Cosmic Prose

Natasha Regehr

Tag: writing

DELF Unpacked: Don’t Ever Lose Faith

Natasha here, reporting in on the aftermath of the infamous DELF B2.

I was worried.  Let’s find some better descriptors, now that I’m functioning in my mother tongue.  Words like chagrined, nausea-ridden, paralyzed.  I dreaded that exam.  My entire body was stiff with tension for eight solid weeks, from the moment I walked into my first class to the day after the inquisition.  My long-awaited summer in France turned out to be, in many ways, a summer of travail and trepidation.

And then, just like that, I passed.  Not just by the skin of my teeth.  Not just with a satisfactory margin of breathing room. Not quite with the flying colours I secretly dreamed of.  But almost.  Almost.

At one point, I re-coined the DELF acronym (“Diplome d’Etudes en Langue Française”) as “Dumb, Enigmatic Lists of Faults.”  I still kind of think that.  The test-makers are simply méchants, in my well-studied opinion.  They rub their hands in delight as they formulate one trick question after another, in a sinister attempt to separate the dumb from the dumber.  I know.  I met one of them.  And she was mean.

But do you know what it was that bumped my score down two points from the 80% I’d hoped for?  Continue reading

Venez!

A few weeks ago, I posted my very first French blog.  I am re-posting it today, with two critical changes:

  1. For those of you who asked for an English version of the original story, scroll down to the end to find a rather crude translation.
  2. For those of you who are curious to hear my weird Canadian-Moroccan-American-French accent, I have added an audio recording of the story as well.  It will make you laugh, even if it’s not supposed to.  Which it is.

Audio Version:

(with many thanks to my good friend in Vichy, for teaching me how to say “hockey” in French, and for letting me teach her a few Canadianisms as well)  

For those of you who didn’t read the original story and have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s where it all began…

Original Story:

This summer I got to do a little creative writing in my French class! We were asked to write a funny story that exaggerates the stereotypes that foreigners have of our home countries.  My Spanish, Mexican, Brazilian, Korean, American, and Basque classmates shared their stories, and then I offered up this little piece of Canadiana, inspired in part by our beloved Bob and Doug McKenzie.

Warning: This is my very first blog-worthy French composition.  There might be errors.  You might be offended.  Be gentle with me.

Venez! Venez! Venez au Canada! On vous accueille, comme on accueille tout le monde, tout le temps! Venez!

Dès que vous arriverez, on vous mènera à votre igloo, où vous dormirez en tout confort, en portant votre anorak et votre toque!

Le lendemain matin, vous prendrez votre déjeuner (au Canada, nos repas sont tous mélangées): un bonne portion de poutine avec une bonne portion de bière (Molson Canadian, bien sûr).  On vous donnera vos patins pour votre premier match de hockey.

Continue reading

Royal Wedding Recant

True story: I posted my Royal Wedding Rant in the wee hours of the night, and then hastily took it down the next morning, when, in the cold light of day, I realized that I had typified myself as a bitter old woman with no hope – but not before a robust 39 people had had the opportunity to read it and form opinions about my perceived state of ongoing misery.

Therefore I feel I must further unpack my comments, and perhaps qualify them with a few points that, in my state of royal grumpiness, I had overlooked.

First: I stand by my suggestion that perhaps there was a touch too much money poured into this particular matrimonial event. No woman, princess or not, needs a $600,000 wedding dress.  I also feel duly entitled to my opinion that all of the media hoop-la was a little excessive.  But then again, I feel the same way about the idolization of rich and famous people in general.  I simply have no interest in pop culture and its dull derivatives.  I prefer dead baroque musicians.  Call me quirky.

So there we go.  The royal wedding phenomenon, as a newsworthy event, struck me as a rather silly over-investment of time and money, when there are so many more interesting things in the world with which to occupy oneself.  French grammar, for instance.  I truly do get a kick out of French grammar.

Yes, I’ll concede that I’m an anomaly when it comes to entertainment.

But that does not make me a bitter old woman with no hope.  For that, we must address my feelings about weddings, and marriage, in general.  And that is a stickier topic indeed. Continue reading

This Reader and Her Romance

This Reader and Her Romance

Do you hate Valentine’s Day? Well here’s a little gem from back in 2010, when I was academically obliged to analyze a case study of a bunch of Harlequin Romance addicts from the 1970s.  Part of the assignment was to read and respond to a romance novel myself, and compare my experience to that of the readers in Janice Radway’s study.  I confess, I had a little fun…

Continue reading

Magic Carpet

Sunday has become my own private Independence Day. It started last week when, rather than waiting for a ride home from church, I bravely embarked on my first solo taxi ride. I was terribly nervous. It turned out to be terribly fun. I chattered (if one can call it that) in French the whole way, and had a good laugh with the driver after declining his spontaneous marriage proposal.

So this week I decided to be doubly brave. Go to French church. Leave the dictionary at home. Understand the first half of the sermon. And then (to prevent a messy brain explosion), slip out and trek, explorer-like, to the city’s old medina.

Continue reading

Flight 209

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final boarding call for Royal Air Maroc flight 209 to Casablanca.  All passengers should now be seated on the plane for take-off.”

What? How did that happen? An hour ago, there was still a whole hour left to wait.  I was blogging furiously, trying to get that “in transit” story posted while I was actually still in transit.  I heard lots of Air France calls for flights to Paris.  Every 30 seconds a smooth voice urged me, in loud, clear, unmistakable English, to head directly to France.  I was not a fool.  I knew that it was a trick.  I was not going to France.  Silly airport!

Continue reading

I am Moving to Morocco!

No, really, I am.

I have been tormenting my friends and acquaintances for days now with cryptic comments about exciting new developments in my mundane little life, and the day has finally come when I can shout it from the rooftops: I’m moving!

I just signed a two-year teaching contract with an international school in the legendary city of Casablanca. I’ll be teaching music to students from Kindergarten to Grade 5: my dream job, my dream climate, my dream of dreams in every way.

Continue reading

On Criticism

I was fortunate today to attend an inspiring writer’s workshop with a pretty welcoming and inclusive crowd; my first such experience, however, was not quite so affirming.  Here’s a brash little tale about a critic from my rather distant past.

She trundles into class on the first day and everyone acknowledges her with an affectionate respect. I wonder why.

The first thing is her posture. It plots with her rather unremarkable clothing to create a bag lady effect. I feel sorry for her. How brave of her to come. Continue reading

Introductions: Pyjama Prose

I am a morning writer.  I like to migrate directly from my bed to my couch, pyjama-clad, to dump my morning thoughts into my mac.

There’s something fluid about a morning mind.  It’s just groggy enough to be unconcerned about the inner naysayer.  It hasn’t entirely separated the events of the night from the events of the day.  Dreams are still a little buoyant.  Words are still a little wiggly, dancing coyly as they wait to be reined in.  It’s a game, this morning prose, an exercise in letting go and urging on.

It’s a shame, then, that most mornings I stumble hazily through my morning routine of eating, washing, and dressing for a day of mundane writerlessness.  I have this outside life, you see, that requires me to deposit myself at specific locations at predetermined times, despite my unwillingness to materialize in public before noon.  Jobs and gym classes are interferences, staving away the freshness of the day and grounding me in socially acceptable self-censorship.  By evening, the words have often wiggled away.

Unless…

Continue reading

© 2024 Cosmic Prose

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑