Tanner and the Wonder Cabbage

This week I had the bittersweet task of saying good-bye to the wonderful folks at Jack Callaghan Public School.  One of the highlights of my time at JCPS was the opportunity to try my hand at teaching science; and as this story illustrates, it wasn’t always pretty!

I’m sitting cross-legged on my classroom floor, surrounded by fifteen wriggling children. I’ve got a bucket beside me, and some newspaper and a cutting board. I pull a gigantic cabbage out of the bucket. The children are wild with excitement.

We examine the roots, stem and leaves. Little bits of dirt fall neatly and courteously onto the carefully laid out newspaper. I am pleased with myself for my foresight and tidiness. Then I unthinkingly snap off the stem, and we are subsumed in an explosion of dirt. Dirt everywhere. Mushroom clouds of dirt. The children are elated. My hands are filthy. I don’t care.

“Now I know why we didn’t bring our carpets, Miss Regehr.” Indeed. Miss Regehr always thinks ahead. Except when she forgets to bring her pruners, and decides to sever a cabbage root bare-handed. But what’s a little dirt? Cabbages grow in dirt. They need dirt. They don’t pop out of the garden all shiny and clean like they appear at the grocery store. Dirt matters. Okay. We’ve established that.

I start removing the outer leaves. We pass them around the circle. The children begin to fan themselves with them. Plants have many uses, you know. I wash the cabbage, and my hands. I set the treasure on the cutting board. I pull a gigantic knife out of the bucket. The anticipation is electrifying. Miss Regehr is about to cut open a cabbage. We just can’t wait.

I chop. Oooh. Aaaah. Amazing. Well, it is amazing. It’s a purple cabbage, and its inner design is rather stunning, in a vegetative kind of way.

“What does this remind you of, boys and girls?”

“Art! Lines! Curvy lines! Horizontal lines! Diagonal lines! So many lines. It’s beautiful! Can we do some cabbage art?”

Out comes the paper. We make a giant, semi-purple cabbage imprint. Someday maybe we will make cabbage stamps, or cabbage dye, or cabbage-something-else.

We pass the cabbage halves around. Tanner starts poking through the pile of dirt. Suddenly we are adding worms, slugs and spiders to our investigation. We are disgusted. We are euphoric. We are filthy. We are hooked. We watch the worm curl and stretch in the palm of my hand, just like we curled and stretched in our garden dance yesterday. I put the worm and the slug on a giant cabbage leaf and walk around the circle with it.

“Eeew!”

“Awesome!”

Yup. Super, super cool. Slugs.

I return the cabbage leaf to the dirt pile, where Tanner diligently watches for any signs of further movement. And then I bring out the big prize, the monstrous horticultural marvel in my bucket: the potato plant. And it is huge. We swoon over the roots, stem and leaves. “Can anyone guess what kind of plant this is? What part do you think we eat?”

I reveal the potatoes at the bottom of the bucket. They are coated in dirt, which crumbles serenely onto the all-engulfing pile of newspaper, dirt, cabbage leaves and slimy creatures. “What should I do with it? What will it look like once I’ve washed it?”

Students kneel and crane their necks in an effort to see into the sink without leaving the circle.

“It’s black!”

“No, it’s brown!”

“I’m not going to look until she’s done washing it. I want it to be a surprise.”

And then, in one mighty chorus, “It’s purple!”

Oh, the delight. A purple potato. I cut it open. We are amazed. We pass it, touch it, smell it, and press it onto our paper next to the cabbage print. “It looks like Mickey Mouse!” they squeal. So it does. Circles and spheres. We are potato artists.

“I want some potato seeds!”

“Do potatoes grow from seeds?”

“The potato is the seed!”

“How do you know that?”

Our attention shifts. Robyn has brought in a mysterious, prickly thing from her garden. No one knows what it is. Not even me. We touch it and pretend it hurts our fingers. I cut it open.

“What are those? Do they look more like cucumber seeds or watermelon seeds? Both grow on a vine. This plant came from a vine? Interesting. Can you bring some more on Monday? I want to compare it to some prickly seed pods in my garden.” We are breathless with excitement. Every day, Miss Regehr brings the coolest things to school. We love Miss Regehr.

“Okay, everyone. I need a clean-up crew.” Fifteen hands go up, accompanied by fifteen desperate “Pick me! Pick me!” entreaties. “Dan’s the helper. Dan, can you choose two people to put that pile of dirt and leaves back in the bucket? And someone to sweep, and someone else to use the dustpan? Now choose someone to recycle the newspaper. And a few people to wash the rest of the potatoes.”

Everyone wants to do everything. A small battle erupts over the dustpan job. Three girls begin furiously scrubbing potatoes with soap and paper towels. Tanner has found a second worm, which he thinks must be the daddy worm, going to see his son. Tanner also has a slug stuck to his hand.

“Tanner, you’re supposed to be taking care of the newspaper.”

“Oh, yeah!” His face is smeared with dirt. He is poking at the roots and leaves.

“The newspaper, Tanner.”

“Oh, yeah!” He is grinning. He does not quite know how to manage all this happiness.

“Okay, now go wash your hands, please.”

The squeaky clean potatoes all fall on the floor. I think one of Tanner’s flailing body parts may have provided the necessary momentum to send the bowl flying.

“The washroom, Tanner.”

“Oh, yeah!”

“Okay, boys and girls. I want you to get out your Wonder Books and write down any questions you have about the things we looked at today, or anything else you may be wondering about.”

As they write, I come around with cabbage and potato samples for optional consumption. Raw potatoes, it seems, are all the rage in Grade 2/3.

“More! More! More!”

“Boys and girls, when you’re done writing your first Wonder, raise your hand and I’ll come around with some more cabbage.” I am shamelessly bribing a litter of industrious little bunnies, all working so hard to have those precious little bits of purple on their desks.

“Why is Tanner all wet, Miss Regehr?”

“I washed my hair,” explains Tanner.

I turn away. I smile that secret teacher-smile that says, “This is hilarious, but I probably shouldn’t have let it happen. I’ll just pretend I didn’t notice.” I send him for a walk to the office with a very important note that reads, “Dear Mrs. Vella, Tanner just needed to take a little walk :)”

And we are happy. We are all so, so happy. We are full of questions, and full of wonder, and we can’t wait to come to school on Monday, when guess what? Miss Regehr will show up with a pot of purple soup. Surprise!

After the bouncing little bunnies leave for the day, I take a moment to wander through the piles of Wonder Books:

“I wonder what is eating Miss Regehr’s cabbage.”

“I wonder if worms eat cabbage.”

“I wonder if slugs eat worms.”

“I wonder why cabbages taste so spicy.”

“I wonder why cabbages have such pretty designs.”

“I wonder how big a potato plant can grow.”

“I wonder if my sister likes purple potatoes.”

“I wonder what Miss Regehr will bring next.”

“I wonder what Angus is wondering.”

“I wonder why we wonder.”

Wonder, wonder, wonder. . . What a wonderful world!