Ready or Not…

What a whirlwind. How else can I describe the flurry of these last few days? I’ve been spinning in circles from one house to the next, one car to the next, and one suitcase to the next. And now I’m here, sitting at Gate B25, waiting for my boarding call.

Many of you have been kindly emailing, phoning, texting, and dropping by, and the questions are always the same: “Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you ready?”

What do we really mean by “ready,” anyway? Was I ready to give up my house? Not really. But I became ready when it became clear that selling was the sensible thing to do. When the movers showed up, was I ready to go? It was down to the wire, but at the appointed hour, the boxes were sealed and waiting to be flung onto the truck by a small army of eager manservants. Was I ready to lock the door and leave behind the key? There was no time to think about it. The next little bit of urgency was already yanking me onward.

I parted with my car. I bought suitcases. I packed and repacked. I folded, rolled, stuffed, and crammed, and now the only things left on my once fulsome keychain are four little tiny luggage keys. That’s it: four suitcases and two carry-ons, and I have never been so in-between.

There is much that can be said about what feels right now like The Great Good-bye. I am ready and not ready. I am excited and nervous. I am everything. I am poised, and I am a mess. I am inside out. I am alone, and surrounded by the good wishes of so many people who love me so very, very much.

People keep telling me that I am doing a brave thing by depositing myself at this airport (and at this moment I’m pretty sure they’re correct); but the really laudable people here are the ones who have given, and given, and given of themselves to bring me to this threshold. You have helped me immeasurably with the logistics of planning and orchestrating a colossal move; but more importantly, you have helped me to become the sort of person who would have the desire, and the nerve, to do a thing like this. I am feeling many things right now, but nothing more weighty than an intense and humble gratitude.

Thank-you to all of you who have brought me to this place. Thank-you to all of you who will receive me when I step onto that other continent tomorrow morning. And thank-you, world, for being the sort of place that lets a girl like me hop across the ocean into a different life. Always forward, never backward…

Ready or not, Morocco, here I come.